Three Very Sad Homos by Shastri Akella
My Favorite Elvis The boy and the dog were both named Elvis. Whenever Daddy hollered “Elvis” they both came to him. Even when it was one of them he wanted: the boy for a chore, the dog for a…
My Favorite Elvis The boy and the dog were both named Elvis. Whenever Daddy hollered “Elvis” they both came to him. Even when it was one of them he wanted: the boy for a chore, the dog for a…
Content Warnings—cesarean section, traumatic birth I could not milk. Was it due to upset levels of oxytocin, prolactin, beta-endorphin? May have been the morphine pump I kept firing like a trigger from my hospital bed in the postlabor/delivery room.…
Essay by Michelle Ross • Since the first time I read a Sara Lippmann story, I’ve been smitten. Among the inventory of qualities I admire is her wit, her raw honesty, her faith in her readers’ ability to keep…
The blocks of the Westside development whipped by us. All the houses bled into one another, a single stroke of adobe beige. No veterinarian had settled into this part of Albuquerque—it was too new, plastic, hollow. If one had…
We search the face of every old Puerto Rican man we meet, hoping to see our grandfather’s face looking back at us. The way to and from school is paved with old brown Boricua men. Up Riverdale and Rockaway,…
Moores lived next door. He worked construction; she stayed home. I don’t know how old he was, but I remember that on her birthday, she turned twenty-two. It seemed old. I was twelve. Moores had a baby, Sidney. Their…
Ugly, ain’t it? The whole fuck of it. The way the doctor’s fingers patted the rim of skin on Mummy’s concave chest. The twin rims where she, Doctor Small Tits, had cut off Mummy’s two breasts, golden brown to…
Last Cut All firsts. You let me drive. You let me choose the radio station. You rested your huge head against the headrest, closed your eyes. Never a willing passenger. Seventy-five quiet kilometres to the London Regional Palliative…
At dusk the light goes diffuse, like slow motion, like simple. The backyard trees are velvet; cirrus swift brushstrokes make the sky seem safe. The railroad rattling through the front yard slows too, whistle filtered through the gloaming until…
I want to be a better person, so I hide my bad habits. When I lived alone, in a chilly, oceanside city, I let the evidence accumulate like flotsam around me. Now, I’m twenty-seven and I live in my…
I wrote this story in my parent’s unfinished basement during the second phase of the coronavirus pandemic. It felt like the end of the world, but also like a Beckett play. The absurdity of the president suggesting we drink bleach, the horror of the violence in American cities, the background rhythm of the climate chaos worsening and worsening. I wanted to write a story that didn’t shy away from the messiness of life, especially during that year. I wanted to write a narrator who felt as scared, angry, and confused as I did.
This was the first time I wrote a piece that started with the title. The paraphrased Bible quote spoke to the comfort and reliability of faith for those who believe, the way that religion promises to smooth and soften all the difficult parts of life, and the difficulty of not having this faith, not having this direction, when everyone around you does.
How does it feel to love and live with people whose beliefs are so different than your own? How do we try—and fail—to connect with others, and what small, cruel mistakes do we make in our daily lives? What does it mean to be happy, or to be deserving of happiness, and what happens if you think you aren’t deserving?
I used to program mathematical models that predicted the effects of climate change on different environmental processes. Writing a story and building a model work very similarly, in my mind. You input different variables and components, tweak algorithms, and with enough finite data points, can create a more and more nuanced interaction. All the aspects of craft are different layers within the model, different types of algorithms, data, operators, nodes. Sometimes, when you’re writing, something within the story just doesn’t quite work, and this is the role of editing and rewriting. Clarifying the model.
Perhaps we write stories for the same reasons we make climate models or go to church. To understand the complexity of the world around us, to reassure ourselves that there is a path through the chaos, if only we know what it is.
JULES HOGAN is a writer from the blue ridge mountains. They are the 2021–2022 Fiction Meets Science fellow at the Hanse-Wissenschaftskolleg in Delmenhorst, Germany, where they’re writing a novel about whales. Jules is fiction editor for Hayden’s Ferry Review and a reader for Split Lip Magazine. Find more stories & info at seektheyonder.com.